


mindscape

by torigates



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-11
Updated: 2011-11-11
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:31:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>M’gann’s mind is vaster than the sea is wide. Immense like the canyons on Mars, limitless like the stars in the sky, infinite like the hope in her heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	mindscape

 

 

 

  
**land·scape**

_Verb: Improve the aesthetic appearance of (a piece of land) by changing its contours, adding ornamental features and plantings.  
Noun: All the visible features of an area of countryside or land, often considered in terms of their aesthetic appeal._

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

M’gann’s mind is vaster than the sea is wide. Immense like the canyons on Mars, limitless like the stars in the sky, infinite like the hope in her heart.

And, as she knows now, darker than endless night.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Conner is not Superman. He was never meant to be Superman, and he never will be. He feels the injustice of his origins like a weight around his neck, chaining his feet to the ground. As if he could only let go of it he’d lift off and be able to fly.

Conner opened his eyes and stares at the hollowed out caves of Mount Justice. For a long moment he couldn’t remember why he was there, and he didn’t think about how Superman would have made these walls, he didn’t think about how when it really mattered he wasn’t able to come through (he didn’t think about how Superman couldn’t either), didn’t think about how it made no difference whether he was Superman or not, just that he was a hero who stood up for the right thing.

 _I love you,_ M’gann said. _That_ was what he thought about.

It was the first time anyone had ever said that to him.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

M’gann had one blissful moment of ignorance when she first opened her eyes: _it was all a dream_ she thought, thankfulness flooding through her entire body. _It wasn’t real_.

Then she remembered.

She remembered Artemis’ death. And Kaldur’s, and Conner’s, and Wally’s and Robin’s.

Her own.

She remembered the look on her uncle’s face, once so kind, so loving, so welcoming, the look on his face, and the agony of her flesh tearing and her heart stopping.

She could remember the moment of her own death and the weightless feeling of relief as her mind went blank. At least she wouldn’t have to live without them.

Her mind let go.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Before he was Conner Kent, before even he was Superboy, he was an idea. A force to be manipulated.

Inside the pod, he had no thoughts of his own, or feelings, or agency, or free will. There had only been images and information.

Most of that information is gone now. Receded into the depths of his subconscious mind. Conner never was sure what happened to it, or how he could access it. He knew things, sometimes he would remember things that never happened to him. Sometimes he heard voices in his head telling him things. Horrible things.

He tried not to think about that.

The first time M’gann’s lilting voice had bounced around his head, Conner had screamed and raged. _Get out, get out, get out!_ Get out of my head.

She was foreign. Alien. Uninvited.

Welcome.

M’gann’s voice curled around his memories, settled over his thoughts like a thick blanket, like they belonged. Like she belonged.

Bialya changed things. M’gann brought him back. Brought back his memories and reminded him who he was. More than that. It was the first time he really thought of himself as a person with his own thoughts and memories, as a person who was, for better or for worse, wholly separate from Superman.

She also left something of herself behind, and each time after that she left a little bit more and a little bit more of her. Of M’gann.

Sometimes, Conner would hear her voice in his head when she wasn’t around. _That’s what M’gann would think_ , he’d say to himself. But more than that, he knew it was her. The part of her she had left behind. He didn’t mind that she was there, because where else would she be?

Sometimes M’gann would be on the other side of the room and Conner could feel her hands on his skin. The first time it happened he shuddered and shivered, but not in a bad way because how could it be when it was M’gann. After that they could sit side by side and not have to touch each other to be able to feel the contact of skin on skin. M’gann always smiled and sighed and it was only then that he drew her into his lap and kissed her mouth and jaw, and ran his hands over every inch of her he could reach and when she gasped he never knew if he heard her with his ears or his mind.

He never had to invite her in because she was always there.

M’gann changed him. He wasn’t just a tool to be used and manipulated. He was more than that. She was stronger than that. She made him stronger than that.

A force to be reckoned with.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

With her feet firmly planted on the solid ground of Earth for the first time, M’gann imagined she could _feel_ the entire planet underneath her. She imagined she could experience the entirety of this living planet, imagined she could feel her mind expanding. A rush of excitement ran through her, and she felt everything, everywhere.

Earth was not Mars. People projected their thoughts, _screamed_ them out into the universe, but wanted them private.

M’gann learned how to filter. She learned how to communicate with her team, she learned how to reach out for Conner and know where he was.

Once, she was in the kitchen and Conner was in the next room.

“What?” he asked, turning to look at her.

She shook her head. “I didn’t say anything.”

He nodded and turned back to the television, but every so often he would jerk his head as if he heard something.

It wasn’t until later that night M’gann realised she had been thinking about him, daydreaming. And he had heard her thoughts--at least subconsciously.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. Not without the link. Not without her knowing she was doing it.

In Belle Reve he had screamed her name so hard, she heard him from inside a block of ice, and after that she couldn’t pretend like things were the same.

She opened her mind to him. She opened her mind to all of them, and in turn they opened theirs to her. After a while, M’gann knew where everyone was, even when they weren’t on missions. Once, she spent an entire day angry, and it wasn’t until Artemis burst into the cave complaining about all the horrible things that happened to her at school that she understood why. Another time, she wandered around the halls of Mount Justice hungry for something, she wasn’t quite sure what.

Her teammates were never far from her thoughts. It was never once something that she questioned. Of course they were.

Where else would they be?

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Conner knew he wasn’t good with emotions. He wasn’t good at expressing them, or recognizing them, or knowing what to do with them.

It was no different with M’gann.

The first time he heard her voice inside his head he was angry. He was so angry, and he didn’t understand why. Being around M’gann made his skin feel too tight. It made it hard to breathe. He sucked in mouthfuls of air and held them there until his chest burned. He felt like he could never get enough oxygen in his lungs.

Conner raged against the world. The injustice of it all. M’gann appreciated it. When he was angry she would put her hand on his arm, and suddenly it became easier to exhale.

M’gann made things easier. She made it easier to be inside his own head.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

It was obvious from the moment she met him that M’gann liked Conner. The more time they spent together only confirmed for her what she already knew. She was falling in love with him.

The thought scared her. It scared her so much the way her thoughts would be consumed by him. The way she wanted to be around him always. The way she felt when he touched and kissed her.

It was everything.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

No one spoke.

M’gann was crying on Captain Marvel’s shoulders, and Conner felt the rage run through his veins hot and familiar.

He couldn’t protect M’gann from this. How could he begin to protect her from herself? What she had done _out of love_.

Batman turned to face them. “You all are free to go home. There’s nothing more we can do here tonight. There will be a briefing tomorrow at which point we can discuss this further.”

That was all Conner needed to hear. He took M’gann’s hand and led her down the hall towards her bedroom. “Wolf,” he called. “Come.”

In her room they sat down on the bed side by side, not touching one another but he could _feel_ her. After a moment, she put her head on his shoulder and cried.

“What did I do?” she asked.

Her words sounded loud in the room. Conner was used to silent communication. The fact that M’gann had chosen to speak her words out loud meant something.

He took her hand in his and pressed his thumb into the centre of her palm, and tried to _think_ calm. He could feel her mind up against his own. _You are welcome,_ he wanted to tell her. _You are not a violation._

“You loved,” he said aloud.

Her fingers curled around his own. Her eyes were red and wet, and her grip on his hand was a lifeline.

“What did I do?” she asked again.

“I love you,” he said, as if this could cure her like it did for him.

She looked up to see Artemis standing in the door.

 _Is it okay?_ she asked. At the sound of her voice in his head, Conner let out the breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

She put her hand on his knee and he squeezed her fingers and nodded.

“I’ll see you later,” he said.

Artemis nodded.

Mount Justice was quiet. Conner was alone with wolf, he could feel M’gann. Her fear and sadness.

He concentrated. _I love you_ , he thought just in case she was still listening. He knew he wasn’t the first person to ever say it to her, but he challenged anyone on any planet to mean it more than he did.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

In the dead of night, M’gann crept into Conner’s room to meditate. She had never really gotten used to his habit of sleeping standing up, but she sat down crossed legged on the floor, her hands pressed against her knees.

She closed her eyes and opened her mind.

M’gann had felt shaky and unsure the last few days. She felt as if she couldn’t trust her own mind, like it had become foreign, unknown, dangerous to her, and more importantly to others. Everything that had happened, everything that she had done had changed the way she looked at herself. It had changed _her_.

She couldn’t afford to be afraid of her thoughts, or her power.

J’onn told her to meditate, but she had been avoiding it. She was afraid of her thoughts taking over again, of losing herself, of hurting the others again.

She let go of those things.

She let go of fear, of grief, of anger, of rage. She let them all flow out of her body and down into the earth, and away from her to a place where they wouldn’t hurt her or anyone else. Tears sprang to her eyes, and when she opened them she was greeted by Conner’s piercing blue gaze.

Without meaning to, she had levitated off the ground. They were eye to eye. In Conner’s face she could see everything she was afraid of: all the loss and guilt and fear. She could see everything she stood a chance to lose. But she had let go of those things.

She had held on to love. She held on to herself. She was lighter now.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

M’gann’s mind is swift like the river is strong. Brilliant like a shining light, mighty like the mountain is tall, powerful like a force of nature.

And, as Conner knows, bright like the sun and just as warm.


End file.
